In 2010, Derek Sivers participated in a TED Conference. His speech lasted just three minutes and in it, he encouraged people to not share their goals with their friends, family, co-workers, or anyone around them. Derek backed up his reasoning with several scientific studies (listen to his presentation here).
In his speech, Derek says, “When you tell someone your goal and they acknowledge it, psychologists have found that’s called a social reality. The mind is kind of tricked into feeling it’s already done. Then because you’ve felt that satisfaction, you’re less motivated to do the actual hard work necessary.”
Derek goes on to point out how talking about an important life change or goal can make you less likely to succeed. But those aren’t the only reasons you may want to keep your latest ambition a secret from everyone (except your Coach who is going to help you achieve it!)
Here are three more reasons you should consider keeping mum:
Talking About Your Goal Can Destroy Your Stamina
How many times have you told someone you were going to do something challenging? Maybe you told a friend that you’re planning to lose 10kgs. Perhaps you told a family member that you were going to get out of debt this year.
You may think doing this pumps you up and makes you more likely to accomplish your goals. But talking about doing something hard can actually drain your energy. You start to come up with reasons why you might not achieve it. You tell yourself, “Well, I just can’t say ‘no’ to sugar. I don’t mind debt that much and I don’t want to change my standard of living.”
Sharing a Goal Can Discourage You
You’re really going to do it. This will be the year that you quit the job you hate so much and start your own business. Then you make the mistake of sharing a goal with someone else.
The problem is the other person is negative and quickly points out all of the reasons you’re bound to fail. They may say unsupportive things like, “You don’t have a degree. You don’t have the time. Where are you going to get the money?”
Within a few minutes, you start feeling discouraged. You’d felt so energized and were determined to act on your motivation earlier. But now, you’re filled with self-doubt and negativity.
Telling Others About Your Goal Can Damage Your Reputation
You’re always the one in your circle of friends with the big dreams. You love sharing your visions and ideas with other people. After all, your new goal is going to work out spectacularly.
The only problem is your goals change frequently. You’re always pursuing something new and you rarely see a goal through to completion. While being a dreamer has its advantages, if you don’t pair your goals with follow-through, you can end up damaging your reputation. People will describe you as flaky and no one will trust your word.
Before you tell a friend or family member about your next goal, consider carefully if you should do that. You may accomplish this dream and become more successful if you keep it to yourself rather than sharing it aloud.
Quietly work through it, step-by-step with your private Coach, and let everyone be astounded when you tell them about your achievement and real tangible success!
Journal Your Dream
Find or buy a journal. Pick one that fits your personality and inspires you to fill each page. Here you will capture the journey towards achieving your goals. Write down when you first remember becoming aware of the dream. Did you know you wanted to write books when you stepped into the library as a little kid? Did you know you were meant to be on stage when you participated in the theater club in high school? Did you only just discover your dream? Write about it!
It’s very important to note why you want this goal. This will help you to keep going and stay motivated when you hit a slump (and you will, we all do!)
And remember this journal is for your eyes only. You don’t have to worry about perfect spelling or grammar. You’re free to let everything out in this space. Be creative with coloured pens, little sketches, anything that highlights the positives of this goal for you.
Don’t Let Fear Stop You!
Often we are afraid of what other people will say or think about us when we share a big dream. But if you don’t tell them, they can’t have an opinion! Then the only person who can stop you is yourself! This is where your Life Coach comes in. Someone who has your back and will give you tools to help you deal with the fear of stepping out of your comfort zone. Your Life Coach won’t give up on you or allow you to give up on yourself until you’ve made your dream a reality.
It takes courage to pursue your dreams and it’s tough. But it’s not nearly as hard as sitting on the sidelines of your own life, hoping that one day you get a chance to live out your deepest longings.